A couple months ago, I attended WriteOnCon, an affordable online conference for writers. I think it was my second or third time attending this yearly conference. Anyway, at the end of a how-was-it-survey, I was asked if I wanted to put my name in for a few raffles. I said, okay. There were a lot of things offered (i.e chat with an agent, first 5-page critique from professional editor, etc.) I wasn't expecting to win anything, but I did! I won a phone call with children's author Kelly Starling Lyons.
Talking with Kelly I admit that I was bit nervous to talk to Kelly because, as many of you know, middle grade (MG) is my thing, not Picture Books (PB). She's done a bit of chapter books, and I have this one idea for a chapter book series (possibly), so I thought we could chat about that. But as I approached the week before our scheduled phone call and I started drafting questions to ask her, I found that I really am interested in writing picture books! I sent my questions to her beforehand, and while we talked, I took notes. Before I jump into what I learned, I just want to say how easy it was to talk to Kelly! She was interested in me, how I'm doing in my writing journey, and congratulated me for completing my first draft of my MG book. What's it like working with an illustrator? I've always been curious about this, so I asked Kelly. First of all, I learned that the publisher usually picks your illustrator. They decide who would be the best fit, based on the manuscript you've given them. I don't know--- I always imagined the illustrator and writer submitting a manuscript together or something, but they're separate. The illustrator, employed by the publishing house, will illustrate, according to the words that the writer has written. Sometimes, after you've published a few picture books, the publisher (or agent) may ask you if you have an illustrator in mind, but even in those cases, you rarely get to choose who you want to illustrate your book. To me, it almost sounds like a blind date! Except, you don't actually work directly with the artist. Kelly explained that artists and authors are kept separate because they don't want the author to take control over the vision of the art. Basically, the writer works with an editor, and the illustrator works with an art director, and then the final product slowly takes shape. When it comes to historical fiction, though, Kelly says she usually gets to see more of the art work as they draft. What's the process for writing picture books? Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? In case of picture books, the pictures or the words? Kelly says the words. You write out your MS, just as you do with any other book. The main difference is that you write with illustrations in mind. Oftentimes, you'll see picture book manuscripts submitted with storyboards: simple stick pictures to show what might be happening with the words you've written on the page. A lot of agents accept manuscripts digitally now, but Kelly said when she started out, she had to send in her submissions by mail and often got rejections back by mail, too. Now it's all done by email. Are picture books easy to write?
Kelly I spent a while talking about this because I've heard on social media (etc), that picture books are not easy! Kelly says that we sometimes go into writing picture books with the idea that it will be easy. Maybe it's because it's for a younger audience and, therefore, it must simpler. So, writers draft a picture book, don't put (maybe) too much thought into it, don't do their research into the market, don't have mentor texts from the current market (etc). They submit and are suddenly so surprised that they got rejected! Wow, it's harder than they thought. In reality, those who understand the craft of writing picture books stand a better chance of getting picked up. That's true anywhere in the publishing world (I've learned). Of course, there will still be rejections. That happens to us all! But Kelly says, "Good stories find homes." What a great mantra, right?! As far as the craft of writing picture books goes, Kelly says it's pretty similar to writing poetry! We work with imagery, simile, and word choice. I mean, poetry applies to all types of art form, but I can see how it's especially applicable to picture books. This was good news to me because that's where I "restarted" my creative writing journey. I took poetry classes at the community college I loved it! It's really challenging, of course, but fun, too. So picture this: me writing picture books. Why not?
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Four score and seven years ago... (Okay, not that long ago, but it feels like it!)
...In my Introduction to Children's Literature class (four years ago this month!), I had to create a character that broke gender stereotypes: a girl who likes "boy" activities or a boy who likes "girl" activities. Little did I know that this character would lead me into a four-year drafting journey. After years of false starts, tears, and persistence, I'm proud to say that last week, I completed a first-draft of my middle grade book! It hasn't always been easy, and I probably did a lot of things you're not supposed to with a first draft, but my WIP now has:
That's all you need in a first draft, isn't it? Shannon Hale says, a first draft is simply "shoveling sand into a box so that later [you] can build castles." And Terry Prachett says, "The first draft is just telling yourself the story." Pretty long story, don't you think?! Well, never mind that. What matters is that I've got the story down. (Finally!) But "now what?" you might be asking. Luckily, I took that editing workshop over winter break, and I have other writer friends who have given me advice on what to do next. Combining the two sources, my plan begins with:
Then, it'll be time to find some beta readers, (I have a few lined up) make more changes, jump into the query trenches, and find a dream agent! I know that there's still a lot of work ahead of me, but I'm taking a moment to exhale. You know in yoga how you take in all the air, hold it, and then let it all out. That's what I'm doing right now in my writing journey. What a relief it is to finally have a beginning, middle, and end to my WIP! It almost doesn't feel real. The day after I finished, I woke up and turned to my husband and told him that I had a dream that I finished my first draft. He laughed, held me tight, and said, "That was no dream, Babe. You did!" I did? Yeah, I did! Maybe, because I did that, I can do this. Meaning, if I can finish a first draft, I can finish another and another --- until it's a solid book, ready for querying, editing, and publishing. That's my plan, Stan! For those of you in the drafting stages, slogging through that mirky middle and reaching for that mythical unicorn holding the words "The End" in glittering gold letters under a rainbow--- there is hope. There might not be a unicorn, but "The End" is possible. Look-- If I can finish a first draft, anyone can! So don't give up. You've got this. I wish writing was as instantaneous and seamless as reading a book, that the words landed perfectly on the page: metaphors, syntax, and imagery intact. And in the first draft, please!
I'm cursed. I've been working on the same work in progress (WIP) for three years, and in that time, I've started over about seven times but never finished the first draft. Let me explain, and maybe you'll relate or simply be wary of the pit falls I've, well, fallen into: Comparison Dangers A while back, I talked about closing the gap, the idea that as avid readers, we see the potential in our writing that isn't there, yet and it's frustrating. Well, no wonder! We're comparing a final product (favorite books) to our own sloppy, incomplete first drafts. It's not fair! That book has gone through countless number of drafts, passed through several passes, and had hundreds of eyes on it before it got in your hands, whereas our drafts are still babies. This is why about two years ago, I started reading the acknowledgements and author notes at the end of all the books I read. It's kind of like waiting through the credits in the movie theatre. It shows me all the people that made the book possible. It helps me see that the writer wasn't alone through their writing journey. It's a good reminder not to compare your unfinished projects to completed, polished ones. Of course, having your husband smack you softly on your stomach every time you're reading a book in bed and you sigh and say, "My book is garbage compared to this!" helps. By the way, yes. It is garbage. But that's okay. Keep going anyway. Bad Habits (built from good intentions) Here's where I truly think my rewriting curse comes from. As many of you may know, I recently received my Creative Writing Certificate. I loved my creative writing classes, but as you may expect, I was required to submit pages for workshopping. This often meant pages from my incomplete WIP. I get it. As students, we need to learn the value and practice the skill of receiving and giving feedback. But here's the thing. Every time I got feedback from a peer or teacher about my incomplete first draft, I wanted to take-in those suggestions right away. Make it better. Rewrite. Sounds like a good thing, right? Here's the problem: it stopped me from moving forward. I was constantly rewriting and moving backwards that I hardly ever moved forward. Hence the curse. NaNoWriMo, writing sprints, and the example of other writers has helped me to see the value of celebrating new words, even if you know they're not exactly as clean as you'd like them to be. They're there; I'm moving forward. That's all that matters! Unfair Expectations I don't like saying I'm a perfectionist. A hard worker, yes. A person who recognizes opportunities for improvement, of course! But a perfectionist? Someone who follows all the rules to the T? Not really. I mean, did you know that Kraft Mac and Cheese has instructions on the box? I didn't for a long time and still don't measure out the butter and milk required. I eyeball it. I'm okay at parallel parking. I'm forgiving of grammatical errors as a teacher (and tutor), as long as the content, purpose, and audience are taken into consideration, and I know the student has tried their hardest. I don't spend hours on my hair or think too much about what I'm wearing or if my writing desk is a mess. But I guess this insane expectation of myself being able to write like I read may come from the same zip code as perfectionism. Maybe. A friend of mine sent the following to me: "Words rarely land perfectly on a page for anyone. Most published writers will admit to having revised their work again and again, especially first and last chapters. Take courage: It doesn't get easier, but can be just as rewarding. And it's never as easy to write as to read, even for people (like me) for whom the words almost always flow." Take courage. I love that. Indeed, it does take courage to write, to let the words stumble out, knowing that they could (and will) be better after a good dose of rewriting and (possibly) starting over. I don't know if I'll ever be able to draft anything (including this blog) without rereading and revising as I draft, but I'll keep trying. I know this isn't the kind of thing we usually talk about at New Year's --- or want to think about--- but I feel that it's important. At least, it is for me as I come to my personal deadline (New Year's) and I, well, didn't make it.
Before we dive in My thoughts are highly influenced by this video and this blog, which I recommend you check out when you get a chance. They will give you a bit more context for what I want to talk about today. Goal Setting Like Kim Chance in the video, I'm a believer in goal setting. Not only at the beginning of a new year (or new decade), but always. As a college instructor, I constantly think about scaffolding skills and projects. Let's say I have sixteen weeks with my students, and need to complete three major writing projects, which will include peer review, revision (etc):
A colleague of mine used to say, "how do you eat an elephant?" The answer: "one bite at a time." That's kind of the approach I take to my teaching, drumming, and my writing goals. I give myself mini-goals (bites) or bench marks to help me reach the goals I have. And I try to make them SMART: S = Specific M = Measurable A = Attainable R = Realistic T = Timely Manageable Goals Having said that, even when I make SMART goals, I sometimes don't reach them. I've never made the goal to land an agent or become a New York Best Time Seller. I'm not talking about goals like that. Those are aspirations because you can't have control over them. But I have made goals for "writing 500 words before noon" on a Saturday. Or completing a project for NaNoWriMo. Sometimes I reach these goals. But--- to be completely honest--- I often don't. Winter Break One of the great (and terrible) things about being an instructor are the breaks between semesters. It's great because I get three weeks away from work! It's terrible because I'm not paid for those three weeks. I chose to look at the positive: these three weeks away from teaching are an opportunity for writing! By New Year's Knowing that I had three weeks off, I challenged myself to (finally) complete my first draft. Mind you, I've been working on this WIP (Work In Progress) for almost three years! I've challenged myself to complete it at NaNoWriMo, CampNano, and other times. But it never happened! November is a terrible time for NaNoWriMo, though! It's right before (and at) finals week. It's when I have the most grading. It's in the midst of family get-togethers, preparation for Christmas, etc. That's why I never finished, I said. Because writing 50K in November (or during the school semester) is bad for me. But maybe-- just maybe-- I could finish my Christmas shopping quickly (which I did) and use this free time to finish the first draft in December. Like for real this time. And I can do it before... New Year's. Yeah! That way, I'll go into the new year with a first draft--- which I can fix-up in the month of January, ask for beta readers in February, revise in March, and participate in #RevPit in April like I've always wanted! Yeah! That was my goal. How I did I wrote, rewrote, pants-ed, and wrote some more. I don't know if you're familiar with Save The Cat Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody. But I started reading that in-between drafting, and I found it very useful. Forty-three thousand words later, though, I found that I was running out of words to reach my desired timeline for my story. Plus, I was running out of days. I had three days until New Year's. Could I write 5-6,000 words? Could I complete the draft? Was this a SMART goal? Sure! At least, on the page it was. It was specific, measurable, attainable (some people write 10k a day!), realistic, (I had three days of nothing but writing-time) and timely (before New Year's). But guess what--- I didn't make it. Why? Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, talks about the creative genius in each of us. Let's just say, "I showed up for my part of the job." But the other guy didn't. My project crashed out of control. I had characters saying and doing things that didn't make sense. I found gaping holes in my plot. I rushed scenes, and I felt anxious about not making it in time. Like, if I didn't, I somehow wasn't a successful writer. Respect the writing process I'm not a perfectionist. I'm an impatient-ist. I wanted to complete this first draft quickly so I could do all those other things in the year: edit, get beta readers, revise, and submit it to a contest. But my MS isn't ready for those things. Not yet. I talked to my husband about it last night, and it was hard, but I told him that I think I need to let go of April. Not the month. It's still going to happen. But I might not be ready to participate in a contest that I really want to participate in. My writing process is a slow one, and I need to respect it. Be kind to yourself The moment I allowed myself to be okay with not reaching my crazy New Year's goal--which even though it looked SMART, let's be honest; it wasn't--- a tension in my shoulders (which I didn't know was there) released. I'm not giving up. That's not what this post is about. What do you do when you don't reach our goals? You try again. And that's what I'm going to do. But this time, I choose to be kinder to myself, to not put such a strain on deadlines. If I can get there, I will. But if I don't, it's okay. I'll get there when I get there. This next year, I will show up to write every day. Like Elizabeth Gilbert, I will "sweat and barrel through it really awkwardly" until in my "mulishness" I "brush up against that thing," that creative genius in me that gives me a zing of excitement and pushes me in the right direction. I will find joy in my writing as often as possible. And that's a goal I can reach! Maybe it was coincidence (which I don't always believe in, by the way), but the moment I learned about and started thinking more about what it would be like have beta readers for my WIP (Work In Progress) was the moment a local author asked me to beta read for her.
I thought, "This is great! I can experience what it's like to be a beta reader before I ask others to beta read for me." I'm a big believer in doing things you expect others to do for you. This might come from my teaching experiences, but I never (for example) assign my students to do something that I, myself, as a student wouldn't do and/or haven't done. But before I share with you my first time beta reading experience (and give some advice!), let's make sure we're on the same page. What's a beta reader? Beta readers (according to my understanding) are test-readers, people who read your WIP before you submit for publication and/or self-publish (etc). Think of it this way: Let's say you ask your mom to read your WIP. If she's like my mom, she might read a few chapters (or the whole thing) and then say, "It's great, sweetheart!" or "It's cute! I'm proud of you!" As nice as these things are to hear, they're not usually helpful. They don't help you see the "real" reader's experience. They don't, essentially, help you know where you need to revise. Getting advice from parents, family members, or friends is often a risky thing because they don't want to say something "too critical" about the story. They have a relationship with you, and they don't want to put that relationship in jeopardy because they told you they didn't like your book. Enter in the beta reader. These are "good readers," but usually people you don't see on a daily basis. They can give you a better sense of what your story is doing well (or not well), what questions they have (confusing parts), and give you encouragement. How to beta read When I agreed to beta read, I shouldn't have been as nervous about as I was. After all, part of my job as an ESL writing instructor is to give constructive feedback on what the writer has done well and what I think would make the draft better. I'm a tutor, as well, so this gives me additional experience in coaching writers. But reviewing an entire book?! That sounds really difficult! I thought about it, and, well, I guess I have some experience in that, too. I mean, I read books, and I often give a star rating and write a "review" on GoodReads. Still... I wanted to do a good job, so I reached out to the Writing Community on Twitter, and here's a helpful blog someone gave me: BEST PRACTICES FOR WORKSHOPPING I read that and felt a little better about beta reading, so I dived into it. My beta reading experience I don't know why, but I always figured that when I asked someone to beta read for me, I'd begin by printing out chapters or chunks of my book and giving to them in a three-ring-binder. I envisioned myself hole punching and creating a package covered in smily stickers and a thank you note. I'd make several copies of the manuscript and mail them out readers who agreed to review my book and give me feedback. (I suppose I got that image from my workshopping days in college-- not the smily sticker part, but the having a physical copy of the draft part. We always printed out our poems and short stories for others to review.) But that's not what the local author gave me. She used (and paid for) a program called BookFunnel, which allowed me (as the beta reader) to open the large book-length document on my phone/electronic device for free through Play Books. When I accessed the document, it had a disclaimer that told me what the local author was looking for (something she wrote herself) and how long I had until the document went away. It makes sense. It's like that moment I tell my students that when it comes to adding page numbers to your word document to "let the computer do the work," and select the insert page numbers option, rather than counting and typing in your page numbers. Instead of copying and hole punching and compiling little notebooks together, let technology do the work! So that was the first thing I learned about beta reading. (Probably obvious to many of you, but still...) The second thing I learned about it was how to convey my thoughts about the book to the author. For this, I again turned to the Writing Community and asked Twitter. I asked if I should comment on each scene or chapter or an overall review of the book. The answer? Whatever works for you! As I read, I decided to take notes (via google docs) for most of the chapters and then compile my thoughts in a long letter-type email to the author. I started out by telling her that I'm sorry if I sound like a teacher (because that's what I am), but these are the things I liked about the book and these are the things I'd suggest to change in order to make it more engaging to me as a reader. And then, I attached my notes. The email was received well. Compiled advice Overall, I enjoyed my beta reading experience. If I were to do it again, I might look at my personal schedule a little more seriously because her beta reading timeline overlapped with my essay grading times, so it was challenging to read the entire novel in (essentially) one week. I asked for more time over the weekend, which she gave me, which leads me to my compiled advice for those of you considering to beta read:
As I mentioned, I'm not quite ready to ask for beta readers. But I'm glad I had this experience because it gave me a "taste" of what I will be asking others to do for me, allowed me to see how the beta reading process works, and allowed me to test out (and challenge) my reviewing skills. If you have a book you'd like beta read, if you write MG or YA, consider me. I'd love to have more experience in it. Last week, I attended my first official writer's retreat! My first unofficial writer's retreat was over Spring Break. And I was at home. I didn't have any grading, and hubby was at work, so I treated my writing like a "job." I woke up, showered, dressed, and wrote from 9:00am-5:00pm with a few breaks and a lunch. I did that Monday-Friday, the whole week of Spring Break! I often consider the things I wrote over that break some of my favorite scenes in my work in process. Naturally, then, I've been wanting to recreate that success. But with a busy schedule and bills to pay, it can be tricky to give your writing that much devoted attention, you know? So when I heard that ANWA (American Night Writers Association) was having a writer's retreat up in Show Low, Arizona, and it only cost $100 for the entire time, Wednesday-Saturday (food included!), I talked to my neighbor, and we signed up together. Our stories are important. So important that, in fact, it was breaking ANWA rules to talk to anyone who had her name tag flipped over. The back of them said, "DO NOT DISTURB. WRITING IN PROGRESS." And you didn't have to be typing to flip it over. You could be zoning out, napping, or reading. Anything that got the creative juices flowing. Doing this, and respecting others' writing process made me see my scribblings as something with potential. When you take your project seriously, your project takes you seriously. The ideas flowed more consistently! 2. You deserve it. It felt good to be up in the mountains, to get away from the desert heat. I went to work just before driving up, rushed home, and finished packing. I was so hungry when I got there, but I made it just in time for dinner. So I quickly parked, piled my things on my bed, and hurried down to the kitchen. I was go-go-go-go! It took about an hour or so to finally slow down, but once I did, it was wonderful! The cabin was beautiful. There's even a chandelier in the dining hall! (I didn't take a picture of it, sorry!) I felt like royalty, just eating there. Some of the bathrooms were bigger than two of my bedrooms at home put together. There were tons of writing places, including a beautiful wrap-around porch, which turned out to be my favorite place to write (once I figured out the extension chords). As writers, especially day-job writers, we work harder than we give ourselves credit. It's worth taking time to get-away, relax and recharge. I ended up taking a nap in one of the giant armchairs in the living area. It was heavenly!
4. Breaking bad and building good habits.
There was wifi. Sort of. There was just enough for me to read an email real quick or update my reading status on goodreads. Other than that, the Internet was pretty much nonexistent. Which was good, I think. It kept me off the social medias for long periods of time, and even if I wanted to research, I literally couldn't go down the rabbit hole. The wifi wouldn't let me. I had to say, "Oh, well! I'll look it up later." And I'd get back to drafting. It was wonderful! I got into a good habit of thinking about my project at all times of the day. If I wasn't drafting, I was brainstorming, daydreaming, or chatting with other writers about their projects. For three solid days, I fired up my laptop with the intention of only working on my book. All of this resulted in more words and more excitement for my story. All in all, I think my first retreat was a success. There may be another one coming up. I'll talk to hubby and see if he can do without me for another few days and/or if it's in our budget. But I'm glad I did it, and I hope to keep this "retreat' mentality every time I fire up my laptop. I recently stumbled across a video of Kate DiCamillo talking about her writing process. She's an author I highly admire. I first discovered her by reading The Tiger Rising, which is one of my favorites, but she's also written The Magician's Elephant, Because of Winn-Dixie, Flora and Ulysses, and many, many others! Basically, I buy her books without knowing what they're about, and I'm never disappointed.
I've watched this video a few times now, but the first time I heard her say that, I was like, "yeah right! You're Kate DiCamillo. You don't fail." She has to be kidding... but no, if you watch it, you'll see that she's very serious. This is where she fails... EVERY... DAY.
"Kate," the interviewer asks, "Is this how you start your day?" "Yes...I come down here, I pour my cup [of coffee]. I go 'I can't do it. I can't write.' And then I head in there, and I write. That's how it starts." This teaches me two things: 1) Even the most successful and brilliant artists have self-doubt. 2) The most successful and brilliant artists don't give up. Later in the video, the interviewer asks her how much she writes a day. "How do you pace it?" "I do two pages a day," Kate says. "I'm always apologetic about saying that because it's not a lot. But I've learned it's a manageable, reachable goal so you feel better about yourself...People ask, what if you're feeling really good, do you keep on going? Nope...There's a quote from Hemingway that says that you need to be nice to the person who is going to exist tomorrow, so that's always in my head... So things are going really well. This will be a great [place to pick up] when I get out of bed and come downstairs and have to start again." Two things I learn from this: 1) She sets a personal, reachable goal. 2) She's kind to herself. Lately, I've been setting these amazing NaNoWriMo type goals that I never seem to reach. And I feel crummy for not making them. I'm happy for all those writers who can crank out a book in one month or even in two, but I'm not that person. I wish I was. My writing process is slow. I like having something I'm okay with before I move on. That's me, and I am coming to terms with this turtle's process. For me, a solid two hours of typing and/or staring at a computer screen is good. If I can do more, that's awesome, and I hope to put in 5-8 hour days while I'm on break from teaching. But with all my other hobbies and responsibilities I have going on in my life, two hours a day is a good routine for me. If I do that, I can usually crank out a good, solid 100-500 words. It's slow, but it's progress. I often tell my students, "You have to slog through the bad to get to the good." It's such a hard thing because we want to get it right the first time. I know I do! I wish I could sit down and write my book as seamlessly as I read a favorite book. But, again, the take-away from Kate DiCamillo is that every writer fails before they succeed. Our self-care and reaching manageable goals are what matters. Don't give up. Keep writing. Growing up, I was an imaginative kid. (If you ask my husband, he'll tell you I'm still an imaginative kid! There are zombies, I kid you not, in the alley behind our house.). To borrow an expression from a friend: I have a sweet-tooth for stories. I always have. I don't know what it's like for kids growing up these days. It wasn't that long ago for me, but we didn't have the Internet until I was in, like, Junior High, and it took about twenty minutes to boot up. You knew you were close when you heard that BOO-BEEP-BOO-BEEEEEEP-KKKRRRRRRR... If someone was on the computer, using the Internet, I couldn't use the phone. I'd pick it up and get a bunch of static and would have to go see how much longer my sister was going to be online so I could call my friends or, you know, they could call me because we were giving a "busy" signal until they got off. Naturally, then, I had to find ways to entertain myself. Cable was a thing in the 1990's, but my parents refused to pay for it. We had five channels: Fox 13, PBS Kids, Local News, ABC Family, and the Spanish Channel. Sometimes, when my sisters and I didn't feel like watching a VHS and there wasn't anything on TV, we'd watch the secret sixth station, which played the salt-and-pepper fight 24/7. It wasn't an actual station. It was just an in-between station that had a bunch of black and white dots. We'd cheer, though, as if we were watching an actual football game. Sometimes I was a "salt" (white dots) fan. Other times, I cheered for (black dots) "pepper." When we were especially hyper, my sisters and I watched the Spanish channel. (It was best if it was a soap opera.) We'd "translate" for them even though none of us spoke Spanish. For example, maybe I'd "translate" for the girlfriend crying over her boyfriend's unconscious body in the hospital, my sister would translate for the boyfriend in the hospital bed (if he happened to wake up and say something), and my other sister would translate for the doctor: Girlfriend: I can't believe you ate the last piece of cake! Boyfriend: (heart moderator) Beep. Beep... Doctor: Did you know the cake was poisoned? Girlfriend: Of course not! In fact, we'd fought over the last piece. Doctor: Did you eat any of the cake? Girlfriend: No. The jerk ran out of the house with it. But then he tripped down the stairs and fell, and we had to call for an ambulance, which isn't cheap, by the way. I really hope he wakes up because I am NOT paying for this hospital bill. Boyfriend: (heart moderator) Beeeeeeep! Doctor: I'm sorry. We lost him. Girlfriend: Nooooooo!!!!!! *cries*
Forgot your bath toys? No problem. Shampoo bottles and bars of soap were just as fun!
Heck, I didn't even need toys to make believe. I remember a game that I made up, and all you needed was your hands. I taught it to my friends. One hand was a good-bird and the other was a bad-bird. We'd run around the backyard chasing and rescuing each others hands. This was my childhood. But why am I telling you all this? Flash-forward twenty years. I'm all grown up now. No kids, yet, but that's okay. I have three college degrees, an adult job, and bills. About two years ago, I decided I wanted to fulfill my lifetime dream and (finally!) write a book that could be published. I'd written books when I was a kid, but that was a long time ago. Now my writing consisted of reports, research papers, emails--- stuff like that. Nothing truly imaginative and creative. I sat down to write a story, and it came out in essay form. (How embarrassing!) I feared that I'd forgotten how to write creatively. So I did what I do best and went back to college. I took creative writing classes. I'm about to graduate with my creative writing certificate (Wahoo!) and, thankfully, I've learned some things. Besides having a better understanding of the writing process and that the only way to get good at writing is to write a lot and read a lot, I also learned that... Writing is game of make-believe. That's right. It's telling yourself a story, creating dialogue, and just going with it. You may feel silly or crazy talking and/or arguing with yourself, but you just have to trust your imagination and create something and then rewrite it. As Neil Gaiman says, "it's that easy, and it's that hard." But here's a theory: it's gotten harder. Why? Our imagination muscles are out of shape. Easy access to technology and its entertainment-- movies, social media, candy crush, and such-- has made it harder for us to just use our imagination. I remember my second oldest sister (probably being cheeky) suggesting that I watch "channel off." Not realizing that it was a joke, I sat there in front of the TV's black screen and made up pictures in my head. Could I do that today? Can you? All I know is that I find myself staring at a blank computer screen, white instead of black, and trying my best to see those pictures. When they come, I type one word after the other. It's just a game of make-believe. "It's that easy, and it's that hard." My poetry teacher once said something like, "We naturally look for the easy way out." He said it as a way to persuade us to change our passive voice sentences to active, to write descriptive verbs instead of falling back onto be verbs (and words like sees, looks, remembers, seems, etc.). But I think he also said it in his lesson on writing specific and engaging details in place of vagueness. For example, instead of saying "his breath smelled like garbage," I'd say, "his breath was a mixture of rotten banana peels, moldy cheese, and month old lettuce." The latter is (hopefully) more descriptive. It was also a lot harder to write. We write in cliches because it's faster. But they aren't unique (that's what makes them cliches), nor are they memorable or helpful to our stories. We write be verbs because they're easy. We don't want to be specific because it requires us to critically think and choose meaningful images and details. But those significant details are what make our stories vivid and alive. It's a fight, then. As I'm writing (and/or revising) I have to catch myself when I've done something the "easy" way, the way that requires the least amount of effort. And I have to fight those urges. Because I do it without thinking. Pushing myself So I've been pushing myself. You know, to "do the work." To think of non-cliche things, to be specific, to find the best verb, to write in active voice (etc). I haven't been perfect, but I've done pretty darn well. I shared some recent writing to that same poetry teacher I mentioned (whose class I took almost two years ago), and he said it was "solid writing." (Fist bump anyone?) But here's the thing. I just discovered that I'm still taking the easy way out. Not on purpose, of course. I have a vision for my book, and I've been working really hard at it. But I'm scared. My WIP has changed, as drafts often do. Over Christmas break, specifically, it went through a major makeover. I got rid of a stepmom, changed the age of the brother, killed off the mom, and added a sick grandma. I felt that these changes helped me focus on the MC and the "heart" of the story. With these changes, I've had to take some steps backwards. I've had to update and/or create profiles and personalities that fit this new cast of characters. But after a bit of research and prepping, I got back to work. I started another rewrite. I'm at about 17,000 words in this new draft and I suddenly feel like I'm at a stand still. Not in plot. A little in character. But mostly in writing these fears that I set out to write about. Writing naked Writing with my heart, I've discovered, makes me feel like I'm writing naked. I'm sure there are people out there who don't mind being in their birthday suit in front of the computer. (My husband, for example, plays video games in his undies.) But I'm not that person. I'd rather be wrapped up in a blanket, cover my head, put on a mask, and hide my true self and my fears. But if I am to truly make something that makes my readers feel something, to have characters that mean something to my readers, I can't take the "easy" way out. I have to get to work. I have to be brave like Sara Bareilles below. I have to write with my heart. On Saturday, I attended my first in-person NaNoWriMo write in. It was at the library and was pretty hilarious because there were four staff members (one librarian, one teen volunteer, and two NaNoWriMo reps) and me, the only participant. A half hour later, thank goodness, another participant showed up. But I got a lot of great advice and laughs from the reps and librarians. And we did a word-war, which helped me move forward in my story. One of the things they gave me was a little booklet of advice. It has some writing activities and whatnot as well, which has been fun to look through. My favorite thing from them so far (besides, you know, M&Ms) was the quote from Ira Glass. It's something that I had never read before, but rang true to every bone in my writer body.
And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it's normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It's gonna take a while. It's normal to take a while. you've just gotta fight your way through."
I read this quote and I thought, Gosh! That explains my writing process in a nut shell! It also explains why after I read a chunk of my draft to Hubby and he says it's good that I have this feeling of "thanks... but..." I always thought it was because I was too critical of myself, which I suppose (in a way is still true) but it's because I have, as Ira Glass says, "good taste." I have ambitions for my writing, and it's just not there, yet. I have to say it's getting closer. But it's not there, yet. Ann Lamott explains that every good piece of writing went through a "shitty" draft, but she never explained why. This quote/thought explains why. We're closing the gap. |